Back Again

-Jan 11, 2023

There are many great joys in the world but one of my favorite is putting these words into the world for others to read and feel. I’m hoping that through my passion we can create a stronger and closer community amongst all demographics of life. 2022 was a wild ride. Coronavirus disappeared, the housing market skyrocketed and then did the opposite. That year came and went and we were very fortunate for our family and friends, and the great memories we all shared together. As 2023 is upon us we are compelled to do more this year, and those that follow. If you take a look at our programs page you’ll see we have great vision and a strong desire to help others. I have been extremely fortunate to meet some very interesting and inspiring people lately. Had I not met them, you would not be reading this blog post now.

We have always been inspired to help others and our local community but could not exactly put our finger on how. Through a lot of brainstorming, networking, firsthand experience, and a little mentorship we are ready to come out of the starting gate this year. We are getting out and moving forward early. January isn’t even over and I’m happy to have a social media page, this webpage, and a platform to accept donations that go directly to Travel for Purpose our 501c3. We have various program we will be standing up but the first we will be starting on is the Kerouac Program. Through donations and fund raising we will be visiting a national park with 5 to 10 people who have either never been to a national park or never even left the city limits.

This is an opportunity to get out and breath some fresh air. Clear your headspace and take in life as it comes. It is often said life is not about the destination but the journey itself. We hope that through the Kerouac program we can change the destination of each and every person involved. I have personally spent a lot of time in national parks across the country as some of you may know. After backpacking cross-country I truly became a changed person and the best version of myself I had ever known at that point in time.

As the website moves forward, I’ll be posting blogs periodically to keep everyone updated and informed on events, fundraising, programs, and volunteer opportunities. Follow us on Instagram, the link is in the top right of our webpage. It is not about publicity or fame but the power we all have when we work together for a common good. My hope is that we can be a spark in the night which grows into a flame no one can deny from any distance. In the meantime, share our posts on your stories or just spread the word through good ol fashioned word of mouth! If you’re in the giving mood click on the donate tab in the menu icon up above. $1 or $100, it is going to go a long way here at Excelsior Group.

Multi-Dimensional

Transcendence

-Jan 30, 2023

To live is to suffer, but to survive is to find mean in the suffering. You know who said that? Nietzsche. Yes, Frederick Wilhelm Nietzsche. Our boy Fred was a German philosopher, prose poet, cultural critic, and composer whose work had quite the influence in contemporary philosophy. A mind capable of great thought yet exploited with thoughts. He  became the youngest person in history to ever hold the chair of classical philology at the university of Basel in 1869 at age 24. This boy was doin it! Yeah we’re talking about the depth and thought of Nietzsche this morning. Some might say his philosophy is unfathomable. Now let’s talk about someone else of equal thought and ability. Earl Simmons from Baltimore or Balmore depending on where you’re from. We’re not talking about The Wire, we are talking about DMX, one of the most iconic hip-hop artists of our generation but and even bigger advocate for Jesus Christ.

I remember being in 4th grade and stealing my sisters ‘and then there was x” cd to listen in her portable cd player (also stolen) on a field trip to a local pioneer school. I disappeared from life listening to his spoken word and how eloquent he shared the struggles, violence, and life which I had no idea existed. I also heard him pray, and he was deep. He did it in a way that was hard as nails. Real. I had prayed and been to church. I had never heard someone talk to God the way he was. The only person I knew who spoke about God in public was Billy graham. I hail from the Carolinas and Billy has a parkway named after him in Charlotte. He and Earl had a little different flavor. No roads named after Earl I’m aware of.

However, back to the quote mentioned at the beginning of this post. If you’re a hip hop head you read that and are picturing DMX on those steps, Ruff Ryder jeans tucked into Timbo’s which of course are unlaced. You see him from the bottom of concrete stairs as he goes in on life is and how difficult it may be to get out of a slump. We all find ourselves there from time to time, I know I have and I do. I think a lot can be learned form this phrase, song, and Earl Simmons as a whole.

It may be difficult to find footing in this world of chaos when we slip but there are many tools to help steady yourself and grab hold. We don’t have them all but with the assistance of others we can gain traction. You may feel like you’re falling and may never be back on your feet but if you step back and reflect you may come to see you are just moving into a new phase of life going a direction you did not comprehend. Instead of falling you may be rising. When you fill like you can’t get up just take a knee, look outboard and wait for guidance. Tactical pause, SLLS, continue with movement. Everyone can use some guidance and direction. We all have that feeling inside of where we want to go and what we want to do. I have had that feeling, and I haven’t known how to get to my destination or navigate to it through the difficulties I am facing. Sometimes you have to deadreckon your way on faith or your sense of purpose.

That’s why we are here on this earth. Today, tomorrow, and forever. Let’s confide in one another and become the best version of ourselves we can. Let’s do it together. I don’t know about you but typing that and my morning coffee got me going and I am ready to live for a greater purpose today. If you know nothing about DMX a quick internet search can show you his life of struggle, his life of fame, and his struggle with addictive substances. Despite all the negativity he was able to touch and influence so many in positive ways. A lot of people will refuse to see that because of his rough and rugged life and choice of words. There is another dude who lived a life like that and he’s the hardest dude in history. He also died before his time but did so for you and I so we can live and enjoy this life we are so confused with at times. That’s what we’re doing here at Excelsior Group. We are in the darkness screaming to assemble, we have 10,000 buzz saws going overhead trying to bring you to safe and familiar ground.

The first post was knocking the rust off. I haven’t posted in almost 3 years. A lot has gone on between then and now. I have made a lot of new friends and lost some great ones. I want to keep making friends and see my others stick around even longer. I would like the same for anyone reading this. That is what we are here for. You can do a lot of soul searching in 3 years even if you aren’t aware of it. It was and still is a crazy world with COVID. IO campaign 2020. You saw sides of people you might have never known and it changed people in ways we may never understand. One thing that came from it is we all changed in some way whether we want to recognize it or not. I am excited to be throwing words at paper and sending them into the infinite depths of the world wide web. I hope they land on someone who needs them most.

I did a little work this week on the website. As with all of us it is a work in progress. I wanted to get it up despite the shape it is in so everyone can see and have something to reference instead of endless written word. I didn’t wait until I completed every page, proof read, and had links for everything. It is perfect in its imperfection just like you and I. Everyday is a work in progress and I look forward to how our site changes and grows with you.

Our biggest thing is donations. Travel for Purpose is our non-profit and we have some great stuff in the works for this year. If you know me the way I operate in life is on or off. So, we are going full speed about to hit that power band and ride 2 stroke wheelies of straight up Gnar for the rest of the year. “If you gotta ask you can’t afford it”.

Our first program and the one that takes precedence is the Kerouac program. We want to disappear or “go Kerouac” with a group of 10 on a road trip with no itinerary or destination other than a national park. I’ve spent a lot of time in the backcountry and wilderness all overt this country and world. The perception of yourself you gain and understanding of life is much different when you have no distractions. We are aiming to raise $2,500 for this first group event in hopes to embark on discovering life together in the spring or early summer. Wildlife and vegetation run rampant that time of year and it will be an amazing experience. We will be posting blog updates on that as it moves forward and hopefully a few community events for fundraising as well. We would love for you to take part in anyway! Share our posts to your story, comment, anything so we can move in the right direction. Let’s get better together.

Is your mental health a priority for the US military?

In short, yes. But only to the extent at which it does not impact with their agenda. Service members deal with a lot of (suffer from an of) stress, anxiety, and insomnia which leads (leading) to common symptoms of substance abuse and mental fog. But how do service members get here? Aren’t we all volunteers who put service before self and only want the best for one another and this great country? YES! We are driven to succeed and give everything we have for mission accomplishment. Americans as a whole are very goal oriented, success driven, motivated by promotion and the opportunity for an increased salary. We. Are. Consumers. Now couple this with harsh living conditions, prolonged time away from home and support networks, stress, anxiety, working hours longer than that of the average civilian workforce and war. Yeah, that’s a big one. The unknown. When will you leave next? Where will you go? How long will you be gone? (What will you miss while gone? Will the people you love be there when you return?) How dangerous will it be? Will you come home?

There are a lot of questions to be answered but we commonly shove those things to the side and press forward on what is most important, or so we think. The mission. I have had plenty of colleagues and close friends whose professional relationships, family relationships, and mental sanity have suffered or even become non-existent due to the militant thought process of life, achievement, and perseverance. These are important aspects for life but they are not the only ones and balance is the key to happiness and longevity. So here we are talking about mental health. There is a lot of stress and anxiety which comes along with being a Special Operations Bomb Technician. Preservation of life and property are the two we are most concerned with in my profession, but as military members we unconsciously seclude ourself from that preservation of life. We burden ourself with much more than we realize because we can, but at what toll to ourself? Overtime we recognize that burden as we have increased brain fog, trouble sleeping, irritability, loss of hair and appetite, the list goes on. Then we have all the things which come into play outside of work in our personal life which occupy space in our brains. It is more common for military members to suffer from divorce, loss of a family member, DUI, traumatic brain injury, and death than their civilian counterparts. Some statistics even say (suggest) military members are 2.5 times at greater risk!

If this information is known why is there a Task Force Engineer but not a Task Force Mental Health? I apologize to any engineers reading this but if we continue to cast our service members to the side with something like mental health we know is detrimental to the rest of their career and life, I do not understand how we can be hyper focused on the leading things which cause this for our military members in the first place. There are more DUI checkpoints on base than mental health checkpoints on base. Mental health checkpoints don’t even exist! More service members die annually from mental health related issues than drunk driving. We are experiencing mental health roadblocks, not check points. I am one of those barrel chested freedom fighting card carrying members  suffering from all the things mentioned above. Over the past 15 years all I have done is work, deploy, work, volunteer for more dangerous billets, work, deploy, go to selection, work deploy, etc. etc. etc. It was not that my family did not come first but I was just so focused on my career, (and the goal I believed to be bigger than me of serving and protecting our country) I didn’t realize how I was isolating myself from my family when I should have been insolating. I personally believe this comes from a heightened sense of importance which we are engrained with by the military and our training. We are the best of the best of the best, Sir! A little Will Smith from Men in Black for you.

To better spread load my work and family life I began going to various therapies to better understand who, what, when, where, and why about mental health. You don’t know what you don’t know until you know. That’s a fact. So for the better part of 2 years, I have been voluntarily going to various therapies in all areas of life. One of the most beneficial therapies I have gone to is couple’s therapy with my incredible girlfriend. I am truly blessed to have met her and that she actually has put up with me for this long. We are both dedicated and driven people. To work, to our family, and most importantly to one another. But just because we are dedicated to one another unwaveringly does not mean we knew the best way to love one another and even more show each other that deep love we have for one another.  Military members can think talking about their feelings and emotions can be embarrassing. That is just a tool utilized by the institution we work in the suppress our emotion and human nature to share, understand, and feel.( We are taught by the institution to be successful and to accomplish the mission we must suppress our emotion and human nature to share, understand, and feel.)

I have a much better understanding of myself, outlook on life, and willingness to be kind and understanding to others. I am in no way perfect; I am far from it. But I am working to improve every day. This all sounds so happy and wonderful. I’m actually typing this from a meadow as butterflies flutter around me. My computer doesn’t even need power, it’s just fueled by celestial happiness. I have had uncomfortable thoughts and feelings which made me question why I was thinking or feeling the way I was. I am not afraid to share that with anyone or sit knee to knee with them so they can see they are not the only ones to have gone through it and are going through it. There is this phrase in the military that steel sharpens steel. I think we could take a step back and reflect on that phrase. Steel sharpens steel. To be sharpened means you were once or were becoming dull. There is only a finite amount of steel to remove before you are nothing. Rather than sharpening maybe we focus on replenishing. We do not want to wear away ourselves but we want to replenish what has gone from us in the past.

Let’s talk about alcohol, caffeine, and tobacco. These are the root of coping with stress, fatigue, anxiety, and depression in the military as well as the civilian work force. The military is just a little more extreme with their consumption and daily intake. Have you ever seen a cow chew cud? That’s how we consume these things in the military. I would challenge you to go a day and count the people you encounter with a fat lipper in or a vape in their pocket. Those same people, not all, but most have a mini fridge full of beer in their barracks rooms or a drink waiting of them when they get home from work. Some will even slam a few during their lunch break in the brks. I grew up on in SoCal but spent my teenage years in the south. Smoking and chewing are an everyday thing there. Depending on how many Busch lights you’ve slammed you might even be doing both. #BeenThereDoneThat

I remember when my cousin come home from Iraq during early OIF and people were saying that he had a “drinking problem”. I was like no way, he’s just a cool dude! 1ST term Marine in Okinawa on Camp Hansen, we know how hard Oki likes to party. The further North you are the further away from civilization. Then he does a pump to Iraq pissing in more bottles than you ever will in a lifetime. Early GWOT service members witnessed some horrific stuff. I had a discussion with a church member about this the tother day. He was having trouble with understanding the mind and thought process of a friend of mine I brought as a guest. My friend was not rebuking the word of God just sharing through his own words the experiences around the world of how he has seen citizens of the earth worship and speak of God or their god/gods. The amount of death, violence, mutilation, and horror service members are exposed too can completely change the way we think, behave, interpret, filter, and output information. As I am going off topic I’ll bring it back in to center mass and discuss the drinking problem it was voiced my cousin had but some family members. (If you are reading this for the first time know I had your back then, and I still do now, keep reading).

I think of that comment often, as I am now. I enlisted shortly after my cousin returning from Iraq. I spent my first enlistment on Camp Hansen in Okinawa. If you have read Fields of Fire, not much has changed, just the liberty restrictions. I experienced first hand the culture of getting totally smashed, doing the “Kin Town shuffle”, stumbling to the Palms to “Shutter Down”, keep drinking in your barracks room until your body stops and you wake up the next day at whatever time you do. Us military barracks are covered in piss, puke, blood, and any other bodily fluid you can think of. Anyone who disagrees must have been in the Airforce (just kidding). But it is a culture and it is just assumed and accepted that this is how we will blow off the steam. We have current stress and future stress we are trying to handle all at once. But this current and future stress isn’t timelines for submissions of business tasks, it is the unknown of our life and how much longer we will get to live it.

Again, this is a coping mechanism we develop after years of service, unconscious worrying, time away from family, loss of friends and an overall standard of living that for most is unfathomable [see PFC gets punched in face by LCpl for attempting to talk to his Sgt]. It is truly a different world. Sow e are constantly throwing these chemicals in our bodies to suppress and amplify the feelings we want or don’t want. This is what some would say is “a bad op”. This entry isn’t going to have much statistical or scientific data, it is mostly me blowing off some steam and getting this out for you to read. I am doing a pretty serious case study currently on addiction, substance abuse, suicide, PTSD, etc which I am hoping to get published. I am interviewing some of the leading doctors in southern California in their fields of expertise and applying the subject matter expertise of mine along with some OAF bubbas to capture all of this holistically. The way I have personally been treated and some class friends of mine is the motivation and driving factor for this. I have lost too many friends to suicide and alcohol. Guys who are total studs and have so much to live for, gone, no explanation. The signs were there but no one expected it to happen.

Now, after being exposed to the military culture myself I saw that my cousin didn’t have a drinking problem. He was totally cool, it didn’t interfere with is functioning or decision making. By military standards this guy was holding his weight. But based on the civilian perspective he was fucking sloshed and dangerous. I share this not to highlight my cousin and his consumption but for people who may have no idea to have a little better mental picture. So years of slamming our bodies daily  with nicotine through cigarettes, dip, vapes, and caffeine through coffee and energy drinks we have developed a tolerance which leads to higher consumption just to feel the effects of these things. The average service member consumes more nicotine and caffeine in a day than their civilian counterparts do in a month. All of these things effect your brain in different ways. Depending on the substance it is either your primitive or logical brain. Now let’s throw an incident into the equation and include prescription medication to the chat. Now we have even more chemicals and toxins in our body diluting our brain and it’s naturally ability to function. The neuro pathways of our brains are worse than government-maintained roads in the upper peninsula during the winter. There is snow, there is ice, pot holes, black ice, etc. Navigating safely and efficiently from thought to transmission of information after interpretation, going down the correct nervous pathway, muscular stimulation and output is difficult and almost impossible with the state of our brain. I would recommend a quick google search on the effects and symptoms of chemical warfare agents, specifically nerve gas. Read the effects and progression of symptoms in the human body. It literally attacks the brain and nervous system in the same manner as we are when voluntarily pumping these chemicals into our body. However, it is not permanent yet by the manner in which we do.

I’m like 2,000 words in and what have we achieved? We don’t have an answer of any kind, just some understanding. Understanding of the topic or maybe just understanding of me babbling. Either way I think that is the goal, understanding and awareness. Without awareness we cannot develop an answer or pathway to the answer. Maybe reading this you identified a few things in yourself or a close friend which may be reason to have a talk. I ask that we do some self-reflection, call your friends or family and just talk about how your feeling. Check in. It’s not gay, some people are actually just waiting for that phone call because you have no idea how close to the edge they are. Your voice and general concern for how they are doing can be all that is needed to take 2 steps back but 3 leaps forward in life an get out of the deepest, darkest place they’ve ever been with no ability to navigate out of alone.

So, I’m ending this here, but picking it up in time with the finished work of my study. Stay tuned. If you have any questions, recommendations, firs hand accounts of substance abuse, recovering from substance abuse do not hesitate to hit me up. I am here for it. The whole purpose of Excelsior Group is to help anyone and everyone in need. There is no need to small or unimportant. If it is important to you, it is important to us. I will close with some wisdom from Tupac Amaru Shakur: “I know it seems hard sometimes but remember one thing. Through every dark night there is a bright day after that. So no matter how hard it get, stick your chest out, keep ya head up.. and handle it”.